When it comes to starting a conversation with strangers it is sometimes easy and sometimes difficult. When it is easy it’s because I believe there is nothing to lose and because I believe I have something to offer. When it is difficult it’s because I believe there is something to lose, and when I think that I have nothing to offer.

This has been especially true when it comes to talking to women that I find attractive. Suddenly, not only have I felt like I had nothing to offer, but also that I might be seen as ugly, pathetic, worthless, whimpy, etc. 

The Girls At The Coffee Shop

The other day I was just out of church. It was a bright and sunny November day in Arkansas. It was warm and I decided I was going to go sit at the patio of a local store that happens to have a coffee shop in it. The shop was at the corner of a busy intersection in Fayetteville. I had never been there before. I didn’t know what to expect other than I had seen it when I’ve driven past it and I knew they had an outside sitting area that fit the mood. 

I ordered a flat white at the shop and then I went outside looking for a place to enjoy it. I settled in on a spot out in the sun, I pulled out my laptop and started to work on some writing. From where I sat I could see two rather pretty women sitting not far from me also enjoying the sun. Not only were they beautiful, but they were also reading their bibles! 

Immediately I felt excited. Suddenly there was attraction. Suddenly there was possibility in front of me. But just as suddenly that excitement turned into hesitance. All the insecurities that somehow hide in me came to the surface: I have rather skinny body build, and I have a large nose, I’m broke, and well, a list of excuses came to mind as to why I should not go up to their table and say “Hello”, or “Hey” or whatever else people say these days. 

Whatever courage I had initially had that might have made me get up and walk a few steps and stand in front of their table and break the ice and start a conversation quickly dissipated in the face of my insecurities. I didn’t move. Instead, I sat at my table and just stared at my computer screen moping.  

The Man With The Ferrari

Suddenly, from a distance, I heard the unmistakable grumble of a high strung engine. I immediately knew what it was, so I looked up from my laptop and craned my neck on to the road to see if I could find it. Sure enough, my eyes saw the shape of a brand new Ferrari 296 in a beautiful light blue color. It waited there at the stoplight purring, and then it turned left in to a gas station directly across from where I was sitting. 

A wide smile appeared on my face as soon as I saw it, and without thinking I made my way towards it. I got up from my table, hopped the fence, I walked along the sidewalk to the corner crosswalk. I waited for the white man to appear and to let me cross the road and I walked over to where the car was. The owner was standing next to it fueling up. He caught me looking at the beautiful machine and he smiled. 

Finding Common Ground

I pointed at the car and said “It’s pretty.” He then started conversing with me about how he had ordered it specifically in this color, and with a certain package that was a more track-focused specification. He opened the door and told me about the carbon fiber panels in the floor and doors. I asked if he was into racing. He told me that he had a Ferrari race car as well, and that he used to compete in the Ferrari Challenge series. 

We talked about how competitive that series is. He told me about some new cars that Ferrari had released and how he got to be at the release party. And he told me about the other Ferraris he had owned. We then talked about how we got into cars, and what we each did for a living. After shooting the breeze a bit longer we shook hands and we parted ways. 

The Courage to Say Hello

I saw the car turn left and drive away while I waited to cross the street. When I got to the other side I could still hear the engine revving joyously. I continued walking meditating on what a cool and fun conversation I had just had when it occurred to me that I did not hesitate one bit to get up out of my seat to go and talk to the owner of that car. 

Never mind the fact that I have not the money, nor the track experience, nor the social reputation to hang with someone who owns a Ferrari, but I didn’t care. I saw something worth the opportunity and I took it. My insecurities did not overwhelm the desire to reach out and start a conversation with that man. I didn’t care what kind of person was driving that car, I just wanted to be around it. And that was motivation enough to get me to break the ice. 

It is true that I do have a lot of experience with cars, such as that time I went around the Nurburgring in a race car, or the time I went and visited the Koenigsegg factory. Those stories are very applicable in a conversation with someone who owns an exotic car. The subject of exotic cars is already a rather specific one to get onto and it’s rather easy to find common ground with any stranger who is driven by a certain passion for these cars. 

Dropping the Expectations

When it comes to talking to cute girls, though, I don’t know that I have much experience with much that they might be interested in. Surely those girls reading their bibles at that coffee shop didn’t care about Ferrari as much as I do. But how would I ever know if I never asked?

I shared this experience with a friend of mine who is very good at starting conversations with strangers. He pointed out that the reason that my conversation with the Ferrari guy was so great is because I didn’t have an expectation of the outcome of that conversation. So why would I have an expectation of the outcome with my conversation with a pretty woman? Or any other person for that matter? 

My friend, made it a point to say, all you have to do is take those expectations and drop them. Realize that the person across from you is a human being, just like you. Well, shoot dang, is it that easy? In my experience with traveling, it is. Just take the time to acknowledge someone, and they will appreciate it. It doesn’t take much. Just say “Hello!”

I hope this story is encouraging to you. If you know somebody that you think this might be encouraging to as well, go ahead and share it with them!