I had just moved back to the USA, and I was already planning my next trip back to Europe. What started as a fun trip, though, quickly turned into a logistical nightmare. After doing the inventory, I realized that I have friends in too many places. Not that I have too many friends, but rather that they live in too many countries. It’s a good problem to have! But it is still a problem.
It was this problem that made me come up with the phrase “I like to water my plants”.
Relationships are like plants
Here’s what I mean. Some people are plant people. They love plants. The more the better. And they are good at giving each of the plants the attention that they need. They prune the plants, they treat the plants if they seem sickly, and they never forget to water the plants.
Then there are people who are not good with plants. Like me! One time I was given a succulent, and within five minutes I dropped the poor thing. I don’t think he ever recovered. Still, I enjoy plants, and I can appreciate them, and I like watching them grow and get big and beautiful.
The connection my mind made was that I am not good at having a ton of relationships going on. Some people have the energy to give to a lot of people and are quite happy being social butterflies. They call people on the phone, they go to parties, they visit people, and they start a conversation with just about anybody. I, on the other hand, am an introvert. My social battery runs out quickly. But I do love the relationships I have, and I love investing in them and watching them grow and get big and beautiful. In other words, I like to water my plants.
How I pick my plants
How good it is to be in a social setting where you feel comfortable! The conversation just flows, the time flies and you just want to continue being there. For me this happens in small group settings. I have gotten to experience some really good moments like this. When moments like these come around I like to capitalize on that moment and invest in that relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love meeting new people! It’s just that I’ve discovered that I really like depth. It came up in college that I am not very good with fluff and small talk. I prefer conversations that are profound and that scrape at issues and ideas at depth. Well, it turns out that such convos are hard to start with just any stranger, or even someone that I might know only lightly. Obviously, one could do that, but it is not guaranteed that this conversation will go in a healthy direction, or to come to a good resolution.
I like to water my plants
That’s what a relationship is, anyway. Friendship flourishes when there is trust on both parties. And trust fosters depth. It is much easier to feel comfortable with someone that also has known you for some time.
I have now accumulated the “plants” that I have, and I am grateful for it. Here I am forced to face the biggest issue with having friends in so many places, and that is that I am unable to be with all of them as much as I would like to.
Right now, I am at a coffee shop in Arkansas, but I am wishing I could go and walk to the bus station and go have dinner with my friends in Buchs, Switzerland. I have a dear friend in Seattle. From the moment she left the South I told her I would go visit her. It’s been 5 years and I still haven’t. I have friends in Phoenix, in New Mexico, in Denver, in California, in Germany, in Canada, in Mexico, in Colombia, in Japan, and even though I wish and want to, I simply can’t go see all of them.
Thank God that people aren’t like plants!
I’m so grateful for the friends I have. Thank God that my friends aren’t dependent on my being there every day. I have so much peace in knowing the people I care for are doing OK. We have built trust with each other, we have shared experiences and have had intimate moments, yet they don’t need me to be there at every moment. I would like to have more special moments with each of those people, and I would love to continue to grow with these people. Yet, there is joy in knowing that though we are far apart, our relationship can still flourish.
Watching the plants grow
It’s interesting. People have their own way of living and growing on their own. There is no need to water and prune. I am so grateful for that. Of course, it doesn’t always work out like this. Not every relationship is worth investing in, but some are. I want to make sure I invest in the ones I have. Even if organizing a trip to see my friends is a chore and a half.
Someone recently asked me “If you’ve been to Iceland twice, why would you want to go again?” Because I love that place. I want to make sure that the memories I have with these places that are so special to me keep growing. The world is big, and I’m sure there are other beautiful places. But someone else can go and discover all of them. I want to watch the places that I know and care for grow more beautiful. I like to water my plants.
P.S. To all my dear friends, I will make my way to you. Hopefully I sooner than later!
Please be patient. You are still dear in my heart.
